82 Subscribers, a Bus Full of Believers, and a Note to the Substack Algorithm
Right, straight away, let me be upfront with you.
I joined Substack in 2023. I wrote a few posts. Then quietly backed away from the platform the way you back away from a dog that seems friendly right up until it isn't.
I didn't understand how any of it worked. I still don't, really.
I am what historians will one day call a "Lundite," which is like a Luddite, but specific to newsletters. As established, I am technologically compromised.
But here I am in 2026. Back again. Eighty-two subscribers strong.
Eighty-two.
I want you to feel the weight of that number. Not the smallness of it — the dignity of it. Eighty-two actual human beings (and possibly four bots, but I choose to believe in their humanity) have looked at my little corner of the internet and said, "Yes. I want this in my inbox."
That is extraordinary. That is, in statistical terms, roughly the population of a small regional bus.
Don't get me wrong. I am immensely proud of my bus.
Now, I should tell you what's been happening in my inbox, because something has definitely shifted since I started posting again, and that something is: other Substackers have found me.
They arrive in my notifications like enthusiastic relatives at Christmas — full of warmth, full of promise, and absolutely certain that what I need right now is their premium course on "Unlocking Exponential Newsletter Growth (For Writers Just Like You!!!)"
I have received, in recent weeks, offers to teach me:
The One Weird Algorithm Trick that will "10x my open rates overnight" (the trick, I suspect, is simply to write things people want to read — but that'll cost $299 to confirm)
How to Build My Authentic Personal Brand through a series of twelve webinars that cost more than my monthly grocery bill
The Secrets of Substack SEO — a phrase that, when I first encountered it, I assumed was a typo for a "subset" of something sensible
And my personal favourite: a masterclass on "Going Viral Intentionally" — which is the content-creator equivalent of trying to catch lightning in a jar while wearing rubber gloves and calling it strategy
These emails all share certain features. They open with extravagant flattery along the lines of: "Your voice is SO unique — you're meant for bigger things! But without the right systems in place, talented writers like you get left behind."
Naturally, they close with an offer — always time-sensitive — that promises to hand me the Keys to the Substack Kingdom for somewhere between the price of a good dinner and the price of a small boat.
I want to be clear: I do not begrudge these people their hustle. We are all out here trying. But I have reached the age where I understand that anyone who actually has the Keys to the Kingdom is generally too busy living in the Kingdom to sell me a webinar about it.
And so, here is where I stand.
I am a person of modest subscriber count and immodest opinions. I write because something in my brain insists on it — the way a kettle insists on boiling: inevitably, slightly noisily, and occasionally at inconvenient times.
I do not have a content calendar.
I do not have a niche.
I have opinions, experiences, and a deep suspicion of anyone who uses the phrase "monetise your passion" without irony.
What I have instead is this: something genuine to say, the occasional ability to say it in a way that makes people laugh, and eighty-two subscribers who — for reasons I find both flattering and mildly mysterious — keep coming back.
If you are one of the eighty-two, thank you. Genuinely. You make the whole endeavour feel less like shouting into a void and more like shouting into a room where a few people are actually listening and occasionally nodding.
If you are not one of the eighty-two, I am now going to ask you, with complete sincerity and only a small amount of dignified desperation, to become one.
Please hit the subscribe button.
It's free.
It costs you nothing but the faint dopamine hit of having done a nice thing — and in return, you get my words delivered directly to your inbox, where they will sit respectfully until you are ready for them.
I am not promising to change your life. I'm not promising to 10x anything. I'm promising to be honest, occasionally funny, and reliably myself — which, given the current content landscape, I humbly submit is more than enough.
A Note to the Substack Algorithm
Dear Algorithm,
I know you are very busy sorting the worthy from the unworthy, the viral from the merely very good, the "recommended" from the "lost in the digital wilderness." I understand you have your methods, your metrics, your deep and mysterious ways.
I am asking you, respectfully but earnestly, to be slightly kinder to me.
Not because I deserve special treatment. But because I am trying, I am here, and I have eighty-two very nice people on a bus who would like a few more companions for the journey.
Yours hopefully,
A Lundite in Recovery
Paul v Walters is an author of several novels and an anthology of short stories, and is fortunate enough to live on the island of Bali. His latest work, RITUAL, was recently launched at the Ubud International Readers and Writers Festival.
